In Honour of Family Day: Redefining Love and Family in the Wake of Divorce

Family.  You wouldn’t be who you are without your family of origin.  Good or bad. 

In the crazy quilt that makes up our lives, the idea of family is like that golden thread that ties everything together, shaping who we are and nurturing us along the way. But as the world and our relationships in it change, so does our notion of what a family really looks like. This is especially true when it comes to divorce, a time when the old picture of a family under one roof can shift into something new, if you’ll let it.  Consider for a moment the concept of "One Family, Two Homes." Far from being a loss, this change is a chance to grow, to understand more, and to dive deeper into what love really means.

Broadening Our View of Family

Family Day reminds us that "family" isn't just about who lives with us. It's about all those we love, whether they're right beside us every day or touching our lives from miles away. When we're finding our way through the twists and turns of divorce, this wider view of family becomes super important. It shows us that being apart physically doesn't make us any less connected. In fact, our family ties can get even stronger, tied together by something deeper than just being in the same place.

Letting Our Kids “Love Out Loud”

One of the biggest things we can do in creating a healthy and supportive environment for our kids, during and after divorce, is to make sure our kids feel totally okay about loving both parents openly. This means creating a space where kids can show their love without worrying about what anyone thinks and without feeling like they are being disloyal to one parent by openly loving the other. It's all about validating their feelings and celebrating their big hearts. This way, we teach them that love doesn't know any bounds and can easily stretch across any distance.

Giving Permission to Love, Freely

It's key to remember that encouraging our kids to show love means accepting their feelings for others too, even if it's for someone we have mixed feelings about, like an ex or their new partner. We don't have to feel the same; what matters is that we support our kids' emotional worlds with kindness and understanding. This is how we show them what empathy and caring really look like, putting their happiness first.

Give yourself the same permission

At the heart of navigating post-divorce family dynamics lies another truth that isn’t often acknowledged:  it’s ok to have genuine fondness in your heart for your ex and for their new partner, too! It doesn't have to be "weird" to be happy to see them repartnered and have them be an example to your children of a healthy, loving relationship.  In fact, it should be celebrated!  The fact that you have, as a result of having forgiven and healed from past hurts, arrived at a place of wanting the best for your ex can only benefit your children.  It is entirely possible—and sometimes healthier—to love someone without wanting to share a living space or maintain a marital relationship. This distinction is crucial not only for the adults navigating the end of a marriage but also for the children observing and learning from their parents' experiences. This can be a big lesson for both adults and kids, showing us that love is flexible and isn't stuck to any one way of living.  It teaches them that love is not contingent on certain conditions but is a more fluid and adaptable force.

Creating a Team Spirit with Co-parenting

The whole idea of "One Family, Two Homes" relies on building a strong team approach to parenting. It's about putting aside our differences to make sure our kids are happy, healthy, and feel secure. This means talking things out, showing each other respect, and always choosing what's best for the kids. Doing this not only helps our children thrive but also opens up new paths for our own growth as individuals.

A New Chapter of Family Life

Remember, divorce doesn’t have to mean the end of family life for your children; it's just the start of a different kind of story. It's a chance to reshape our relationships and build a life that's rich in love and understanding. By focusing on the real connections between us, we create a place where love can grow in all sorts of ways, showing that a family's strength isn't about being under one roof.

Conclusion

Walking through and beyond divorce gives us a unique chance to explore what love and family really mean. By embracing the concept of "One Family, Two Homes," we can give our children a world filled with love that goes beyond the usual limits. As we journey on, we discover that family is about the connections we share and the endless love in our hearts.

As we get into the spirit of Family Day and think about what family means to us, let's celebrate the incredible reach of our love and the diverse shapes families take. Here's to a world that sees every family for the love it shares and the joy it brings, reminding us that the heart of a family stretches way beyond the walls of a house.

Your children will thank you for it...xo

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